Molting

I want to sit in the abyss

Eyes closed dead still

I want to sink in the abyss

Without a word or faintest breath

No mode of life or warm caress

I want to sink my rotting flesh

Eyes closed, dead still

I want to sink until I swim

I think most people go through periods in their life, where they outgrow what is around them and step into a new character. I’ve molted many times during my life but now, in my early twenties, I feel like the molting I’m currently undergoing is not the process of turning into someone new and different but reverting back to who I really am. I am stepping into the skin that I lost somewhere along the way, the skin that has always been mine that I weirdly forgot about. I think this is something most people feel at some point in their lives. Stepping into a skin that is truly yours and one you were always suppose to be in. I must say, it feels very… free.

Negative Thinking

It’s pulse is a faint beat

Like a faint breathing

That will surely cease

As it comes to rest

It pulsates at best

It pulsates to pieces

It severs the head

And feeds off the mind’s feces

I have suffered from the dreaded disease, commonly known as negative thinking, since I was a young girl. No one is born with the tendency to revel in negative, fear-based thoughts. Negative thinking comes from experiences of TRAUMA. It is a SELF-DEFENSE MECHANISM. Negative thought patterns occur when one has internalized trauma and continues to subconsciously live the effects of that trauma within their mind, promoting self-sabotaging and self-loathing. Although negative thinking is often wielded as a means to avoid further trauma to one’s being it is actually a form of self-trauma, a trauma I’m sure everyone would like to stop inflicting on themselves. This gaudy defence mechanism has ripple effects and inadvertently affects one’s emotional, spiritual and physical health and well-being. Have you had unexplainable chronic bodily pains? Do you feel emotionally unfulfilled and in the shits? Well these my friends are the symptoms of negative thinking spreading it’s roots to encompass your life. Yet, negative thinking is easily eradicated when we take the time to NURTURE ourselves. Overcoming this negative habit requires a certain level of self-parenting. So, take the time to check in with yourself and ask, what am I feeling/thinking and why? Furthermore try to heal and forgive the trauma(s) that prompted your negative thinking to begin with and step out of the habit of viewing yourself as a victim. You are capable.

Food for thought:

  • When did you start to suffer from negative thinking?
  • What trauma(s) did you experience that caused this grimaced habit?
  • Do you love yourself enough to attempt to give up this self-sabotaging?

Still I Flow

Trance induced
In a dreamland
In a jungle life
In the Mayan times
Father bear cries
Mother wolf dies
Blood red moon above me
Clear water streams under me
I am caught in the tow
Not stuck, still I flow
Through and by the amazonian below
Ancient, rhythmic traveller rows
Transcendent dancing unleashes the nomadic’s soul
Open and fighting, still I flow

You are one with life. You always have been and always will be. Breathe in. Exhale. Let go. Go with life’s flow.